Every month I always feel like my being a woman is a curse. This cramping that I experience seem like to ruin my day. The pain, the urge to take a shit, the uneasiness I can feel somewhere in my body which I can't locate are always common. Sometimes, I wish I was born a boy.By then, life would be easier, pain-free, less complicated, defined, more quiet and slower.A few days before my period, there's this pain somewhere; could be my breasts, my hips, my lower back or my lower abdomen. During this time, my patience is so short that anything or anyone can switch the button on and everything turns into madness. The flaring up is uncontrollable, unpredictable and unstoppable that even the other person who tried to stop what causes the madness or the trouble is almost giving up. The effort is just futile and pointless. The other person wishes he was not there in the first place or wishes he was somewhere sleeping in Neverland.
Sometimes too during this period, people can just annoy me even for the smallest things like when they walk slowly while I was behind them. I try to overtake their slow and smaller steps but it seems like they intentionally block the way. They always drive me crazy. I wanted to push them, or grab their asses or kick them like what my war freak friends told me to do. But I don't want to look like a psycho in the streets grabbing their bums for no apparent reason. lol SO instead of doing it, I just cursed under my breathe and wished I had some magic and turn them into frogs. hehehe
And in a train, bus or boat, when you're getting in and off, amidst the tension there I tried so hard not to step on people's foot. But some people pushed me while saying "excuse me". How can that possibly be? Is it only in Thailand or have people gone that confusing? grrrr So again, most of the days in a month, I get patient with them but for a couple of days I could have smacked someone back.
In most circumstances, the most common group of people I always spend time with are my students. They are 7-8 year old who love to have fun all the time to the extent that the classroom is like a zoo filled with cute little children running to and fro, shouting here and there, climbing up and down and even throwing this small crumpled paper everywhere. So it's not new to me actually and I dealt with it a very long time. BUT my mood which is affected with some hormones is always going up and down. Definitely, there's a small room for patience in my vocabulary. I know when it's coming, so I asked them " Please behave, your teacher is not feeling well." For 15 minutes they sit in their tables and pretend that they do something but when someone started a hush, then the classroom's madness started to break. In a matter of seconds I can just snap at them. But I also feel bad about it. They're just kids and of course when you are young you have so much fun that sometimes you rather play than eat or study. Moreover , as young as they are, their attention span is short.
This is every month, somewhere between the 20th and 30th which I am completely out of control of myself. This is the time when I rather curl up in bed and endure the pain, lock myself in my place and watch TV, sleep if I wanted to and scream if I got pissed off. By this, no one is gonna bear the grunt but me.
